Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize