I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My first STD was from a foam party
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
