she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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