The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
