So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
