I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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