Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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