maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
