It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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