I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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