I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
