My girlfriend figured out who you are.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
