put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
