my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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