let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
