I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
