Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
