you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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