the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
