Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
