DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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