I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
