I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
