you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
