Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
