All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
