omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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