just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
