Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
