the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
