I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
