I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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