the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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