im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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