I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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