I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dick very happy bro
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
