From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
