All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
