Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
