It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just had sex on a roof
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
