woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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