Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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