hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
