when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
