guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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