I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
