how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
