I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize