My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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