Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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