Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
