U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
