So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
