Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
