the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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