I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
