I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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