I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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