Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
