i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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