She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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