just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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