Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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