Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
