sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
